I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.