You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..