He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
