it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.