dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.