I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe