If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.