Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?