how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.