i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.