You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.