i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.