I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.