I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.