Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.