She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
should my penis look like a turkey
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy