When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love