the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.