Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.