He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...