The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?