No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
