When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
