Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.