turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night