Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it