Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
that is very illegal...i love you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
