Who did Billy Mays play for?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
