I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow