You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong