He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?