He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him