First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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