I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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