Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
