When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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