Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.