If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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