but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood