Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.