I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
