Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
