He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome