how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.