She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain