So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.