Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need to calm my uterus...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed