Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE