"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?