apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What's dad's email?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?