When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea