So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.