His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate