I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married