clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick