If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
