I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.