dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.