My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit