No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.