i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
worst night to have a conscience
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.