He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken