I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.