He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos