he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world