all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls