Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.