Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My cat gives me a boner
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world