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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
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