my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40