Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had