i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital