he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree