You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.