FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.